Do you want to know a little secret? The work I do today was never on my “What I want to be when I grow up” list. While I’ve come out of many “closets” in my life, this was not one of them that I envisioned.
Yet, I’ve come to understand the same forces guiding the cosmos are also guiding me. When the mysteries of life unfurl their unforeseen plot twists, like the desert winds, they can’t be stopped.
In 2001, the mighty winds of change came to call. The shamans refer to this as my “Tezcatlipoca” moment. It’s a moment when you experience something so profound that it forces you to look at every aspect of yourself – the good, the bad, and the really ugly.
As the summer gave way to fall, so too, my father gave way from this life to the next. For many years, I was deeply lost in the tragedy of it all. The only thing I knew in the days following his passing was my life would never be the same.
I had no idea what it would look like, be like, or even how to move forward in a constructive way. I was lost. Yet, at the same time, I sensed something greater was happening. I just didn’t know what it was.
In this “humpty dumpty” moment of epic proportion, I had not a clue as to the first step of putting myself back together again, or if it was even possible. A fork in the road was all I could see. I could go left and do what I’ve always done which was stuff it, bandage it up and relegate it to the dungeon of my sub-conscious.
Or, I could descend into the grief and go where I’ve never gone before. All I had was a feeling. A feeling that those guiding forces were beckoning me to say yes to my own personal heroic Hummingbird journey. It was a pure initiation into the discovery of my inner alchemy, wisdom, and personal power. Looking back, I didn’t realize what a sacred moment it was and how destiny was awaiting my arrival.
It took a while. But I grew. I healed. I reinvented myself.
You see, prior to my father’s passing, I had endured many other losses. It wasn’t just the loss of people I loved, but it was also the loss of self-worth and value caused by some very challenging circumstances that resulted in the many co-dependent relationships I established.
I didn’t know how to speak my truth or articulate my emotional needs. In all of my relationships, I gave my power away over and over again to the point I had no idea who I was or what I wanted. I lacked confidence and the strength to stand up and advocate for what was important to me. I was constantly looking for validation and personal identity in my romantic relationships which always resulted in disaster.
Losing my father spotlighted every past emotional and psychological wound that I had masterfully shoved far away into the recesses of my mind. Grieving his loss was one thing. Grieving the loss of myself and coming to terms with my co-dependent and destructive behaviors was an entirely different kind of experience.
While it was a three-year dark night of the soul, it was also an intense evolution, often times feeling like an initiation, into the unrealized potential that laid dormant in every aspect of my being.
So now, I’m here with you. Healed and ready to serve, guide, and teach you how to transmute your Tezcatlipoca, moment, whatever form it may take, into a journey of turning your destiny into reality.
Education and Training
I’ve been a student of A Course in Miracles for over 25 years. I also have extensive training in Zen Buddhism, Shamanism, Nature Spirituality, Plant Medicine, and Energy Medicine. While I hold many certifications in these areas of study, developing the art of recognizing the voice my own intuition, learning how to deeply listen to its whispers, and applying its wisdom has been my greatest education and training.
Education is great. Acquiring training is great. Both are necessary. However, they pale in comparison to the Master Teachers. I’m referring to the teachers of Nature and the Elementals – the plant people, stone people, the finned, the furred, the winged ones, fire, water, air, and earth. Being alone, sitting with myself among these teachers has taught me the most about healing and what it meant to really transmute my deepest pain into the sweetest nectar.